numb

so i just got off the phone with molly. it makes me really happy to hear her voice. but at the same time it makes me sad that i dont get to hear that voice everyday. i dont know what to do anymore. im so half and half on everything. a part of me is like move on, theres probably better things out there. the other half of me is like, do what your heart feels. if you love her, stay with her. im just so confused. im glad to hear that shes been having fun at school. i want nothing more than for her to be happy. what do you do when a person you love is 2000 miles away and you have no idea if that person still has feelings for you? i like to think that im doing fine and living my life. but when theres things everywhere that remind you of that person, its hard to not think about them. theres so many questions i want to ask her but i dont have the nerve to because i dont want to push her away even more than she is. lets just put it out there though.

what am i to you?
do you still have any feelings whatsoever?
would you ever consider getting back together?
have you found someone else?


thatll pretty much sum it all up. everything that was new to me, i wanted to experience it with her. i learned so many things and met so many people and had so many fun experiences with her. and the great thing was the fact that i did experience all those great times with her. i didnt want it to stop. i dont want to let go what i once had. it was honestly the best time of my life. but well see waht the future holds. i dont think she knows this but she definitely still has my heart. and fuck people who think im ridiculous. it just sucks because i know ill def push her away even more if she knew all this. but im just tired of holding myself back and lying to myself. thats pretty much it. im done for the night.

surprise

so i woke up to this girls face this morning. i think her eyes are crossed but i cant tell. either way, shes crazy.




emery has a new song. check it
myspace.com/emery

a girl named catherine

its funny how you meet someone after 1 day and you feel like youve known them forever.

so theres this girl named catherine. she reminds me alot of myself back when i thought i knew the world perfectly. if i looked at her for 5 minutes i wouldve thought she was the chillest person ever. but shes gone through alot of stuff that would make my experiences seem like a small problem.

but shes a cool kid. so this blog goes out to her.


<3 keep your head up

dead end

So the flood gates open but nothing comes out
I’m feeling no relief in my head, just doubt
But my heart keeps telling me ‘hold your ground.
You’ll never learn a thing if you bail out now’

And I’m lonely again tonight
I can feel it like a knot in my side
They keep saying this is part of the ride
But I’m not getting stronger.

Yet hold me against the light
And do you see any bullet inside?
Wouldn’t find one if you magnified
Because you’ve got the wrong girl

Had my fingers around the back of your chair
You’d never missed a thing but you missed me there
And I just kept thinking ‘Am I prepared
To pull it out from under your trusting stare?’

Now the house is quiet as a hollow head
And I’m walking round bumping into things you said
This has not been as easy as I thought it would
I’d be cooling down the fire if I thought I could.

And the flood gates open but nothing comes out

a good night

i hung out with these guys last night. it was the first night since july that i actually felt like i can be myself again. theyre great


go listen to
Missy Higgins - The Wrong Girl

great music

boring day

the next couple of weeks are gonna suck hardcore. ive got so many tests comin up its ridiculous. gahh! so today i felt like a lazy butt and did nothing. last night i went to the taiko festival with nataly and that was hella fun. i have 11 mosquito bites from that show though. stupid ike. it looks like i have a rash on my back now. bleh. ghey. tomorrow will be "fun". i have to study for my spanish quiz on monday. that class is really hard. im so behind. ughh... im not really proud of myself when it comes to spanish. i feel so stupid when the teacher calls and me and i have absolutely no idea how to respond to her question and the whole class looks at me. : / my heart starts pounding and shit. its really lame. hopefully ill study alot tomorrow and ace this quiz. other than that, nothing else is really on my mind.



life is hard. i wish things were easy. but theyre not. i dont know what the hell anything means anymore. i just feel like if i gave up on everything, i can start over. but that cant realistically happen. gah! bleh. its just whatever... tomorrow will be a better day.

city and colour - day old hate

new beginnings

feels like its been forever. well. alot of shit has gone down since the last time i posted. me and molly broke up and its been something that im still trying to get over. i wish her the best and hopefully things will settle down in the coming months. its crazy though, ever since the break up i feel like i realized what the meaning of commitment was. it sucks being alone though. but every experience is definitely a life lesson and you grow from it. i still think about her every time before i go to sleep wondering if maybe shes thinking about me too. its something im trying to adapt to.

on a lighter note, im trying to get an internship with livenation @ house of blues. hopefully thatll work out. other than that, the hurricane was a bitch to houston and im thankful for electricity and hot water.

ill post more stuff later
if you get the chance, listen to Alive in Wild Paint (myspace.com/aliveinwildpaint)

good stuff