numb

so i just got off the phone with molly. it makes me really happy to hear her voice. but at the same time it makes me sad that i dont get to hear that voice everyday. i dont know what to do anymore. im so half and half on everything. a part of me is like move on, theres probably better things out there. the other half of me is like, do what your heart feels. if you love her, stay with her. im just so confused. im glad to hear that shes been having fun at school. i want nothing more than for her to be happy. what do you do when a person you love is 2000 miles away and you have no idea if that person still has feelings for you? i like to think that im doing fine and living my life. but when theres things everywhere that remind you of that person, its hard to not think about them. theres so many questions i want to ask her but i dont have the nerve to because i dont want to push her away even more than she is. lets just put it out there though.

what am i to you?
do you still have any feelings whatsoever?
would you ever consider getting back together?
have you found someone else?


thatll pretty much sum it all up. everything that was new to me, i wanted to experience it with her. i learned so many things and met so many people and had so many fun experiences with her. and the great thing was the fact that i did experience all those great times with her. i didnt want it to stop. i dont want to let go what i once had. it was honestly the best time of my life. but well see waht the future holds. i dont think she knows this but she definitely still has my heart. and fuck people who think im ridiculous. it just sucks because i know ill def push her away even more if she knew all this. but im just tired of holding myself back and lying to myself. thats pretty much it. im done for the night.